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What if Programming Languages were Pokémon?

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pokemon programming

“I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was,” belted out during the opening song of the Pokémon anime series—or by every developer at one point in their career.

Just like a Pokémon trainer and their Pokémon, developers and the programming languages they use can be very personal. Opinions, tastes, and preferences, (and humor) vary depending on who you ask.

So let’s imagine this: “What if programming languages were Pokémon?” Let’s try to catch them all on this list!

Gotta catch ‘em all!

Assembly: Gyarados

pokemon programming
Source: reddit

It’s powerful AF! But before you reach this powerful state, you have to keep catching so many Magikarp you’ll be sick of it once you do have enough to evolve it into Gyarados. So patience and persistence is definitely the key. Just keep powering it up and you’ll find that its immense power can carry you through tough battles.

Ada: Blastoise

pokemon programming
Source: tumblr

Sure, you’ll encounter better ones out there but this one’s big and sturdy, and really good at what it’s for— safety and defense. You can rely on it for safety critical systems: missile guidance, avionics, spacecraft navigation, missile interception, and other systems where there’s definitely no room for error. And with those double cannons, you know you don’t want to mess with it during combat.

Basic: Bulbasaur

pokemon programming
Source: Therandominmyhead

It’s popular with beginners because it’s quite simple and accessible. It can be a good companion when you’re just starting out but most will just retire it once they get stronger and better performing ones.

C: Eevee

pokemon programming
Source: quickmeme

Eevee in its original form is pretty likeable—just like C. For the most part, it is decent and hardworking but its evolved forms have resulted in faster, stronger, and better-performing ones—Jolteon, Vaporeon, Flareon—which means it can probably do anything. Because of the many possibilities you’ll have when you want to evolve it, many players who catch Eevee consider it as an important breakthrough.

C++: Vaporeon

pokemon programming
Source: imgflip

When performance is important, Vaporeon can be pretty speedy and reliable. Use it as a gym defender, or if you need it to attack other gyms (and it can be pretty darn cute, too), Vaporeon is an all-rounder and is handy to have. If you can master this composite creature, then you’re in for a good one.

C#: Jolteon

pokemon programming
source: deviantart

Pikachu and Jolteon are both electric-type Pokémon, which makes them similar in that sense—just like the way Java and C# are pretty similar. Although there are some differences between them, the overall feel between the two is very similar. But Jolteon comes from a line of pretty solid evolutions, which could make it a better electric-type than Pikachu (depending on the trainer you ask, of course).

The last thing you could call it is simple or easy but it can be pretty elegant. Jolteon’s cells generate a low level of electricity and this power is amplified by static… but statically-typed languages aren’t truly dynamic, are they?

Eiffel: Mr. Mime

pokemon programming
Source: Buzzfeed

It’s French.

Fortran: Aerodactyl

pokemon programming
Source: DeviantArt

It’s prehistoric. And there was a time that it flew freely and fearlessly through the skies. When you use it now it can still be pretty vicious, but it’s not versatile enough for multi-purpose usage and it doesn’t adapt fast enough to our modern times.

Haskell: Ditto

pokemon programming
Source: ifunny

It’s quite abstract. It has an extremely different set of design decisions, which makes it so different than most “mainstream” languages. People who tried using it complain how alien it seems. Because of its complexity, it has a steep learning curve but just like when Ditto uses Transform, it can transform and learn every other Pokémon’s moves.

Java: Pikachu

pokemon programming
Source: tumblr

When you think of Pokémon, Pikachu will probably be the first thing that comes to your mind. Easily recognizable, and has remained number one throughout the years—just like Java.

It’s well-loved alright. But despite what it offers, true Pokémon masters know that Pikachu’s popularity is more likely attributed to the fact that it’s the franchise’s posterboy, which means it is loved by corporations and therefore gets more exposure.

And at first, it does make sense that an electric-type is strong and that you should make it as your main Pokémon. But as you continue to battle and face different types of monsters, you’ll realize it’s not the best performing one after all!

JavaScript: Weedle

pokemon programming
Source: memes

It’s everywhere! It can get annoying for “advanced” users and you can try to ignore it, but soon enough you’ll realize it’s still pretty useful for leveling up. So even though you’re already tired of being surrounded by it all the time, you might as well catch it, and you know you’re bound to end up with more experience from it.

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Lisp: Lapras

pokemon programming
Source: tumblr

Lapras are known as gentle giants. It’s tender soul and intelligence brings forth a message that Pokémon and people can co-exist without any problems. But because it is still monstrous, sadly, those who can’t comprehend it have driven it almost to the point of extinction. But a few are said to still lurk around every once in awhile—still unique and still compelling.

Matlab: Pidgeotto

pokemon programming
Source: Deviantart

It can be exciting to have it at the very beginning as you can gain experience quickly, plus it can be useful for easy battles. As a beginner you enjoy using it, but you’ll notice that snobby, more experienced users easily look past it. You’ll wonder why at first since it’s fairly decent in the right hands. But soon you’ll also become a snobby, more experienced user and move on from it without much hesitation.

Objective-C: Flareon

pokemon programming
Source: tumblr

Flareon is another reliable one that evolved from Eevee (C). But unlike other Eevee-lutions, this one’s pretty exclusive. It is a powerful “Flame Pokémon” among only a handful of others in that category. The things you can do with it can sometimes feel limited, but wield it to its true potential and you’ll do amazing things with it.

PHP: Psyduck

pokemon programming
Source: memecenter

It’s bizarre and hard to handle (probably due to some API inconsistencies), which means it can be messy to use—especially for less experienced developers. But as you delve into it and think the headaches get too much to handle, it’s only then that you’ll unlock its potent mystical powers. If you can master this complicated monster, then amazing power is yours to be commanded.

Python: Dragonite

pokemon programming
Source: memegenerator

Dragonite and Charizard look pretty similar on the outside—orange dragons that can both fly. But many consider Dragonite to be more sensible, elegant, classy, and higher level than Charizard. Some even consider it as pseudo-legendary just because of how awesome it is. But because it is strong, best use it for tasks at the highest level.

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QCL: Mewtwo

pokemon programming
Source: https://kelsbraun.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/7b2.gif

A Psychic-type Legendary Pokémon is the Pokémon equivalent of the most advanced implemented quantum programming language! It’s high-level and probably too advanced for the regular Joe. It was created by scientists and its cold, glowing eyes strike fear into its enemies — and anyone who can’t understand quantum computing.

Ruby: Charizard

pokemon programming
Source: Deviantart

Scripting languages provide the most high-level programming environment, and Charizard is pretty high-level if you ask me. When you first saw it, you have to admit that it looked really cool. So you spent time with it, powered it up, you even used it often during battles. That was all fun, but now that you have more Pokémon, you realize this one could use some improvement and is definitely not as perfect as you thought it was in the beginning.

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You teach me and I’ll teach you

What programming language did we miss? Which Pokémon would best describe your favorite programming language? Share it below in the comments section!


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Jazz Rosende
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A creature of comfort who finds staying updated with tech as comforting as a cuppa tea, which she also enjoys, along with other comforting things like WWII documentaries, and spooky horror movies.
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